Design the Life You Love

I can’t believe it’s February already.  What happened to January? Have you made any progress with your New Year’s resolutions?  For the past two years, I decided not to set any goals.  I decided to have a theme.  Last year, year of GROWTH.  This year, I decided it will be a year I would bet on God and myself.

We are so inconsistent with New Year’s resolution. We start off strong; however, by February it seems like nothing has changed except for the year. We spend a lot of time wishing and expecting tomorrow to bring something new. When tomorrow comes, we continue to perpetuate the bad behaviors from the previous day. If you were to die today, are you satisfied with your life?  I am not talking about materialistic things like money, cars, and houses. Did you make the necessary changes needed to readjust the things that are not working for you?

Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes, courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, “I will try again tomorrow.” – Unknown

Lessons Learned

A few months ago, I boldly walked into my supervisor’s office and stated, “I am submitting my notice of resignation.”  Her response was jarring and offensive but (sorry to say) expected. I had only been at my job for two months; however, I had to make a decision, me or them. It wasn’t a good fit and I knew it after being there for a week and a half. Within three weeks my body knew it; I began to internalize my stress. By the end of the first month, I suffered from tension across my shoulders and lower back. At night, I would either lie restless in the bed or sleep hard from the exhaustion of navigating through the work environment. I thought about listing the reasons why I left, but it doesn’t matter. For me, it wasn’t a good fit. THE END. (We have to get out of the habit of justifying our decisions. It’s not working, period!  What are you going to do about it?)

During my last few days of employment, I shared my decision with a couple of my coworkers.  They were shocked.  One of my coworkers told me I had some “balls.” He would have stayed despite knowing it wasn’t a good fit.  For at least a year, he would have grinned and bared it. I was floored! What exactly happens in one year?  Do things get better?

Reality is, people stay in unhealthy situations (jobs, relationships, living situations) all the time. Over time, it causes anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Eventually, it takes a toll on your physical and mental health. I get it- people long to make changes but fear of the unknown, concern about what others may think, or low-quality alternatives hold them back. How do you know when to stay or go? Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. What is the issue you are facing? Is it fixable?

2. Is the issue causing physical or mental harm? (Are you feeling pain, numbness, anxiety, sadness or hopelessness?)

3.  What am I going to do next?

Favorite Books, Podcast, Television Show, and More…

Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans.

Kudos to Bill and Dave for coming up with a creative way to look at life.  Designing Your Life started off as a college class at Stanford and offered to design students to help design their life after college.  Yea, I used the word “design” a lot in that sentence. Trust me, that is what the authors would have wanted. According to Bill and Dave, designers build their way forward rather than dream up a lot of fantasies that have no relationship to the real YOU or the world.  Like a designer, they want us to look at problems and life with the same curiosity and creativity that created some of life’s best items. Each chapter has thought-provoking activities to make you think about all aspects of life- career, personal, and spiritual life (if you desire one).  No worries, you don’t have to do all of the work alone.  Some of the activities suggest for you to seek out assistance from your community/team.  

How cool would it have been to have this course offered in college? It probably would have helped me find my purpose a lot sooner.

Calling all women who are seeking support with healing from brokenness and unleashing their purpose. The Hummingbird’s Healing Toolbox is a Facebook group created by Kimtrese Slaughter, licensed therapist. She fostered a community where women assist each other as they live at their maximum capacity. Monthly, Mrs. Slaughter has Facebook live discussions related to healing and growth.  She is open to answering viewers’ questions and provides tools that can be easily incorporated into your life.  If you are ready to start the healing process and walk your purpose, it’s time to join the discussion! 

Life is full of moving parts and sometimes it’s hard to keep everything together.  It can easily be conformed to the world rather than live in the world.  Know you are not alone. The very thing you are fighting to survive, someone next to you is doing the same.  I hope the above resources sparks hope and encourage you to keep going in the right direction.  Talk to you soon!

Are You Qualified?

God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.

Yesterday, I had the honor to pray at my cousin’s bridal shower. When initially asked I took a big gulp and said “YES”. Then asked, “are you sure?”

Well, my third removed distant cousin immediately called me.  She said is your relationship with God strong enough to pray in front of a large audience?  Do people really see you as a person to come to for prayer?  Girl, you know there are more “qualified” people in the family.

Well, let me tell you about my third time removed distant cousin, her name is Self Doubt. She shows up at the most inopportune times. You try to establish boundaries but she has a way of wiggling her way around them as if they don’t apply.  ALL of our conversations go like this: Are you sure you really can do this?? I heard they asked several people before you. You were kinda the last resort.


My response: Change the conversation (speak something positive). Reframe (turn negative statements into positive). Although we want to be respectful towards third removed distant cousin, Self Doubt, walking away is an option (Stop the thought and if need be talk it through with a positive friend.)

Oh! Valentine’s Day

Oh, Valentine’s Day.  I can honestly, say I struggled with writing this blog.  The first one I wrote was a Survivor’s Guide for Single Women.  I didn’t post it because I felt as though there were so many blogs already written about it.  The more I researched Valentine’s Day, the more I understood why some single people feel isolated and alone on a holiday that is supposed to be about love.   (more…)

The Buts in Life

During dinner with a close friend, I told her that I could see God answering my prayers.  I found new office space; I am moving into a new apartment in the city; I am financially stable, my relationships with my friends and family are stable; I am traveling more and I have a clear plan on how to grow my business.  As I was explaining to her how I have endured the storm and the sun has come out, she interrupted me by saying then why aren’t you happy?  Verbally, I was saying I was happy but my tone and facial expression said the contrary.  I stopped and thought about it.  I wasn’t happy.  Instead of breathing and enjoying the moment, I found myself holding my breath waiting for the next BUT to happen.  (more…)

The Struggle

My college years at Virginia State University (Go Trojans) were the best.  I went to clubs, concerts, gym jams, and hung out with friends until the wee hours of the morning.  The next day I woke up went to class with no problem (I was a champ!).  I left with a bachelor’s degree in Sociology ready to enter the human service field and SAVE the WORLD!!! Boy I was young and naïve.  No one told me on most days, instead of saving the world I would be saving myself.  I knew that life was full of highs and lows.  But I never knew how low the lows were and how difficult it can be getting back up.