Are You Qualified?

God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.

Yesterday, I had the honor to pray at my cousin’s bridal shower. When initially asked I took a big gulp and said “YES”. Then asked, “are you sure?”

Well, my third removed distant cousin immediately called me.  She said is your relationship with God strong enough to pray in front of a large audience?  Do people really see you as a person to come to for prayer?  Girl, you know there are more “qualified” people in the family.

Well, let me tell you about my third time removed distant cousin, her name is Self Doubt. She shows up at the most inopportune times. You try to establish boundaries but she has a way of wiggling her way around them as if they don’t apply.  ALL of our conversations go like this: Are you sure you really can do this?? I heard they asked several people before you. You were kinda the last resort.


My response: Change the conversation (speak something positive). Reframe (turn negative statements into positive). Although we want to be respectful towards third removed distant cousin, Self Doubt, walking away is an option (Stop the thought and if need be talk it through with a positive friend.)

The Tongue

You talk too much and you never shut up— Run DMC

The tongue is small but mighty.   It can be used to speak life into dying person or kill something that is living. It can make a grand speech that motivates an entire audience. Matter of fact, it is so powerful that where you are in life has been influenced by your words.

People can tame animals, birds, reptiles, and fish yet fail to tame their tongue. (James 3:7). Think about it!  A wild lion is known as the king of the jungle.  A human being has the skills to cage such a wild beast and teach it how to do tricks.  Yet the tongue, a muscle in your mouth covered in thousands of tiny taste buds; cannot be tamed??

We say the first thing that comes to mind with little to no filter. At what point do you stop, think, then respond?  At one point, do you just keep your mouth shut?  It’s time to speak less and listen more.

What’s Driving You?

No matter the situation never let your emotions out power your intelligence.  – Unknown

So, let me tell you about my emotions. If I don’t keep them in check, I can easily go from zero to ten. Sometimes, people irritate me to the point I tell Jesus … I got this one. You can relax (lol).

After an emotional outburst, I am EXHAUSTED and feel unheard. Don’t get me wrong, they HEARD my voice; but they didn’t HEAR me. All they saw was another angry black woman.  

I had to stop allowing people to control me.  (One you angers you controls you.) Feelings are not facts.  There are ways to tell someone off educate people without having a meltdown.  

  1. State the facts:  What actually occurred??  Need help, jot it down.  It will give you the opportunity to clearly state the order of events.  
  2. Listen:  I mean TRULY listen.  It is impossible to listen and prepare your rebuttal simultaneously.  
  3. Own your feelings:  “I” statements are my go to lines.  “I feel…”  or “I believe…”  Statements starting with “You” shifts the blame on the other person.  In addition, you are giving the other person the control over your feelings.  

Walking with a Friend in the Dark

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking in the light alone. —Helen Keller 

I forgot how much peace and freedom I receive from being vulnerable and transparent. Telling my cousin about my “latest struggle” felt like a mountain being lifted off my back. I felt light!! I felt free! BUT her response “me too Rhaea me too” was like music to my ears. It was confirmation that I am not alone in this mess! 

Can you imagine the ripple effect; if everyone was a little more vulnerable and transparent with one another??? We will be living more like a community verses individually. 

The next time someone chooses YOU to confide in, show a little compassion by letting them know that they are not alone. A simple “me too” maybe all they need to stay in the fight. #inspiringinneraction

Oh! Valentine’s Day

Oh, Valentine’s Day.  I can honestly, say I struggled with writing this blog.  The first one I wrote was a Survivor’s Guide for Single Women.  I didn’t post it because I felt as though there were so many blogs already written about it.  The more I researched Valentine’s Day, the more I understood why some single people feel isolated and alone on a holiday that is supposed to be about love.   (more…)

The Struggle

My college years at Virginia State University (Go Trojans) were the best.  I went to clubs, concerts, gym jams, and hung out with friends until the wee hours of the morning.  The next day I woke up went to class with no problem (I was a champ!).  I left with a bachelor’s degree in Sociology ready to enter the human service field and SAVE the WORLD!!! Boy I was young and naïve.  No one told me on most days, instead of saving the world I would be saving myself.  I knew that life was full of highs and lows.  But I never knew how low the lows were and how difficult it can be getting back up.