For the past three years, I have been working on myself. As usual, there were a series of events that brought an intense amount of pain and made me say… I NEVER WANT TO BE HERE AGAIN! I know, you should never say never. But there are certain events that occur that will make you say that. And you fight life HELL to ensure there is nothing in your doing that will cause you to go back.
So, I began the journey of… “Who am I, what is my worth, and am I enough”. As I worked on myself, I grew personally, professionally and spiritually. The people, places and things that usually brought me pleasure began to annoy me. When I went to different social events I started to question WHY I AM HERE. Not that I thought I was better, I just knew I was out growing the social scene.
I began having an internal struggle between staying in my comfort zone and venturing to the unknown; I prayed and asked God for help. Just like trying anything new, it’s not easy. I attended networking events, community groups, after work functions; and things were not going as I hoped. I either hung out in the background or only mingled with a handful of people. Because of my discomfort, I began to question whether I was ENOUGH.
There have been people in my life who have asked me to change who I am to accommodate them. They wanted me to dim my light so they could shine brighter. Because I had a carefree walk, I was arrogant. In other words, they confused my confidence with arrogance. I have learned over the years that insecure people will try to plant the seed of doubt and pull you down to make them feel better.
I began to question if I should go back to what is comfortable or should I continue to push forward. I was determined to become the best version of myself so I pushed forward. The more I showed up at social events, the more I questioned whether people saw my flaws and nervousness. If they did, did they see them as a unique characteristic or craziness? Were they willing to look beyond them that to see who I truly was? Should I have listened to “people” and dimmed my light to ensure I fit in? UGH!!! So, much pressure, just to have fun. I had an internal feeling of being stretched. It was beyond uncomfortable. I had a feeling of unrest because nothing was giving me comfort.
I now know that whenever I have that feeling, I am about to go through a “growth spurt.” Just like a child going through a growth spurt, their clothes (activities or people) no longer fit; they are too short (needs no longer met).
People love to say that they don’t care if anyone likes them. But as human beings we are wired to desire a connection with others. I understand that everyone will not like us but we all want at least one good friend. The funny part is if we were all a little more honest, at some point everyone wonders how they are perceived by others. Many of us are able to push past the feeling; however, for some it becomes an obsessive thought.
What I believe is WE ARE ALL ENOUGH. I know you have heard it before but really– think about it. You were put on this earth with a purpose no one else can fulfill. You had to look and speak exactly the way you do for your message to be conveyed and received the way it was intended. You are designed in a way that is perfect for you to achieve your purpose. It is your perceived flaw that makes you more than ENOUGH.
The problem comes when people who are enduring the same journey as you come across your path and identify your “flaw” as a weakness. You heard it, repeated it and believed it and yet it planted doubt. The question “am I enough?” can also occur when we compare ourselves to others; instead of focusing on our purpose. Just know you are more than ENOUGH for your journey.
- Living Your Life on the Offense