Oh, Valentine’s Day. I can honestly, say I struggled with writing this blog. The first one I wrote was a Survivor’s Guide for Single Women. I didn’t post it because I felt as though there were so many blogs already written about it. The more I researched Valentine’s Day, the more I understood why some single people feel isolated and alone on a holiday that is supposed to be about love.
Like many other holidays, Valentine’s Day has become more and more commercialized over the years. For single individuals, it brings a spotlight to a perceived “lack” that they have; especially for women over the age of 30. In society’s eyes you have failed to reach a mile marker and something must be wrong with you.
I spoke with one of my single friends and she stated that she was going to spend the evening eating cake and sulking because she was going to be alone. I responded by saying I cannot remember the last time I was in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. I have become content with where I am now. Sometimes, I go through a splurge where I have lots of dates. But there are times, I believe no one sees me. But don’t get me wrong, sometimes I get depressed and question whether it is going to happen for me. I just work hard to focus on what I have rather than what I am missing.
I can say that I have spent Valentine’s Day in unhealthy relationships and I felt alone even though I had someone. My thought is… If you don’t treat me with respect and dignity every other day, treating me good on one day does not negate the others. I am just at a place in my life where I refuse to date someone just to say I have a man. Over the years, we have all seen friends settle because they do not want to be alone. We enter into relationships knowing that (s)he is not “the one.” However, we believe that we can change them over time.
I relate singleness to trying to conceive a baby. Outside looking in, it seems like it is very easy to do, but there is a large population of women who struggle to become pregnant. They pray, prepare and believe it’s going to happen, but like marrying “the one”, there is nothing you can really do to guarantee it is going to happen.
Reality is some of us will never get married. No one wants to say it, but in our heart of heart we know it. You just don’t want to be that person who it happens to. Relationships/Marriage is not something that you can make happen; it’s about timing. It’s about God putting the right person in your life at the right time. Until you meet “the one”, live life to the fullest. Create the kind of life where your mate will be an addition to. Think of it as wearing your favorite outfit. It looks great on you but adding a handbag, bracelet and earrings (your mate) will bring it altogether.
There are many relationship experts and people who will tell you if you follow these steps you will get a (wo)man. I would love to tell you that if you jump on one foot and spin around, (s)he will come. I believe if you know who you are, continue to work on yourself and enjoy life; the right person will come un-expectantly. And even if (s)he doesn’t you still had one amazing life because you didn’t make finding a mate your main focus!
– Living Your Life on the Offense